What really happens
I thought that it would be climatic
That the whole world would change
But the world remained static
And my life rearranged
Help
At this moment in time, I hurt
It is hard to describe but I’ll try
It’s sit there, something completely inert
Hard to budge, even when I cry
Really just something that came about
When chatting with a wonderful friend
A few spoken words and then I was without
The security I had and nothing to spend
.
I must spend time on this
This feeling inside that just won’t die
It…it will take time which I won’t miss
To move on or to deny
.
No, I need to move on and to do that
I need to confront this feeling
Of hurt, inadequacy, fears and being trapped
Oh God…I hurt and I am crying
Help
On a cold October day
On a cold October day, which is to say a normal day for that time of year, a teenager of no exceptional value walked among the trees by the old tarmac road. Leaves fluttered and floated by as the remnants of autumn came to the close. One of these leaves thought that landing on the head of this teenager was a good a place as any and settled, quite neatly upon the teen’s woollen hat. However, as per usual for teens, all one could think of was “I’m not really sure, I mean I could do that but what will people think of me?” and swiped the leaf from off their hat. The true translation of this question is “Who am I?” but still hadn’t actually came to that conclusion. No, a person’s thoughts are never that clear and most of us go on for a long time before we hit this question. A car strolled on by, cracking twigs upon the road and broke the teen’s train of thought.
“Hmmm…I hope we have chicken tonight?”
I asked God for something at the beginning of my uni year
I asked God something so much
OH SO MUCH, I wanted it
My heart had screamed
For so many years
.
I ignored those screams…
.
It was easier to do
Then listen to them
And yield my heart up
To those I couldn’t trust
.
Yes, I asked God something
but he didn’t give it to me
No, He gave me more
So much more then my heart could ever possibly dream of.
.
And now those screams are gone
I am happy because I was given
What was needed and when the Mountain falls down
The Sea is taken with it.
When the Mountain falls
down The Sea is taken with it
Someone who smiles
With laughter reaching wide,
Is a person who knows
That while sadness comes
and joy may go
Life moves on as it should.
A person who smiles,
Who unknowingly radiates
A gaiety quite rare,
Knows far to well
The darkness within ones heart
And troubles that surround.
For sorrow is a close a friend
As bliss is to the wild sparrow,
As it lives for two short years
It sings its heart out
Never knowing what fears
The humans live with.
Yes, a person who smiles
With laughter and a glint in their eye,
Treats agony with a cup of tea
Welcoming as a host should be,
And from the pain they surge forth
Smiling for all the world to see
Singing praise of how wonderful
God can truly be..
Smiles With Thorns: Let my faith eclipse my fear →
Its finally time to let my faith in God eclipse my fears
of not only the future, but of myself.
I know what God wants me to do, I’ve known it for years
but I didn’t think I was strong enough and I didn’t think God cared.
Well God does care and I care as well.
I wrote this poem a year ago…I wrote a lot of stuff a year ago feeling exactly the same as I do now…last year was so hard and almost crippling and this year is so good and easy…looking back on my blog at least I had hope in God, I always trusted in God when it was hard. Today…I still hurt just as much as I did last year and it is just as hard to say this: God is good, and its true
Smiles With Thorns: Let my faith eclipse my fear →
Its finally time to let my faith in God eclipse my fears
of not only the future, but of myself.
I know what God wants me to do, I’ve known it for years
but I didn’t think I was strong enough and I didn’t think God cared.
Well God does care and I care as well.
I wrote this poem a year ago…I wrote a lot of stuff a year ago feeling exactly the same as I do now…last year was so hard and almost crippling and this year is so good and easy…looking back on my blog at least I had hope in God, I always trusted in God when it was hard. Today…I still hurt just as much as I did last year and it is just as hard to say this: God is good, and its true
I want to dance
I want to dance in a field one day
Without my shoes and socks.
I want to dance my time away
While the mice sit on the rocks
.
I want to dance when it rains
And get completely wet
Splash around and get mud stains
While all my family slept.
.
I want to dance and SCREAM outloud
And let the whole world hear
That I am his, I am found,
And dance when he is near
.
I want to dance with my God
For he made me who I am
‘Your free, your special but your not odd
Cause your my little lamb!!!’
Hmmm
I need to write something up again, I’ll do it soon….I’ve been meaning to write something soon anyway.
Thoughts of a Christian: The pains of Love
I’ve been broken for far too long now.
Trapped and caged in a never ending row.
I’m told that I’m not meant to be,
by someone who loves me.
He has roared at my wrong doings. Said that I shouldn’t do what I want but to mindlessly follow him. To put all my heart into what he says.
WHY CAN’T I BE ME?!
HUH!!!
Why can’t I love those who I want to love? Why can’t I play with the things I want to play with? Why is this relationship so one sided? Why can’t I hate the things I want to hate? Do I hate him….?
He has taken my fragile glllass of a heart and bore it between his teeth.
In one haaard, apathetic BITE, it cracked and smashed with in his mouth.
The shards of my heart did not pain him, he endured it…NO, he enjoyed it and then he spat them out carelessly onto the ground where the cesspit of the earth lays.
My life has been ruled by HIM and HIM alone
SO DO I HATE HIM?
…no…
I love him and he loves me.
Because you can’t brake what has already been broken.
I’ve been so wrong.
My heart was shattered the moment I came into this world. I cried yet you taught me how to laugh.
You told me not to play with fire…but I did.
You told me not touch a live wire…bit I did.
You told me not to sin because it means death…but I still do.
You took the scattered grains of my heart. I didn’t want to see them…
I wanted to stay in the dark…engulfed by this world and all of it’s sins and idol pleasures.
Still though I looked at the light and saw my life in the bowels of this world. So you gathered and grinded them together between two rough volcanic wheels.
IT HURT GOD
Why did it hurt?
There was so much pain, Lord…
My insides turned, my heart churned.
My voice wobbled and crooked.
My eyes were filled with the blood of my soul.
IT HURT GOD
Those wheels kept on churning.
I wanted to hide but you found me.
The wheels kept on churning.
I want to run but you always stopped me.
How could I resist?
Those wheels kept on churning.
You said you love me…BUT LOVE HURTS.
Jesus died on a cross for me because he loved me…That hurt…even for you God.
Yet you hurt every time I sin. Is it truly worth it Lord, for me, for him, for her, for us, for the whole world.
OH LORD, forgive me, for I have wronged.
I’m sorry.
Take this heart and grind it together. Fix it and make it whole.
I don’t want to sin anymore. I want to love you God.
So take this heart, Lord, and beat out the impurities with your mighty hammer, even if it pains me to feel its blow. For once I am pure and whole again you will take this heart and press it with in your magnificent lips. A kiss that lingers for eternity shall echo with a whisper of your love.
Thank you my Lord,
You are beautiful.
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